It has been FAR too long since I last wrote. Not for a lack of desire, but more because I haven't the foggiest idea how to share all of the wonderful things that seem to be going through my mind. First and foremost, we have a new little addition to our family. In February, our third child entered the world. He is absolute perfection. He is the easiest baby out of the three. He makes me happy. So do my other two. I love being a mom. I love being with my kids. I am not great at so many things. I don't do near enough with things like preschool and learning activities. But I am great at loving my kids.
There is no higher calling than being a mother. I remember being a small little girl and knowing that I wanted that more than anything. There was a time in my life when I didn't think it would happen. I thought that this most choice blessing wouldn't be mine. I was single and in my late twenties and wasn't sure I would ever meet my own Mr. Right. I was devastated by that idea. But I was also devastated by the idea that it also meant that I wouldn't get to have all of the babies I wanted. Then, Heavenly Father led me to a wonderful man who became my eternal companion. Within short order, our oldest was born. Now, I look at my three kids and am amazed at the blessings that call me Mommy. We don't have an extraordinary life. We are rather boring, in fact. We hang out at home most of the time. We struggle financially. We pray for miracles in our lives. We pray for our marriage and our children and all those that we hold dear. I never understood what being a mother really entailed. When my Mom would tell me that she prayed for me, I would laugh it off. I was a good kid, making good choices. Why would she need to pray for me? Yet, now I find my prayers laced with plea's for my kids. A prayer that one will figure out potty training. A prayer that another will be able to sleep in her big girl bed. A prayer that we can be better parents to the sweet little ones who sneak into our room in the middle of the night.
As a parent, what wouldn't we do for our children? I would lay down my life for my kids. I would take away all of their pain and all of their sorrow if I could. I would do anything to help them be the best person they can be. What a great testimony this is to me of the love of our Heavenly Father for us. My Heavenly Father loves His children far better than I could love my children. He wants nothing more for us than success. He wants to see us happy. He wants to hold us and wipe away our tears. He provided a way for us, to erase all of those tears and fears. To take away everything bad in our life. If we let him.
Too many times in our lives, we refuse to let the Lord take the reigns. I speak of this with more experience than I should have. I keep learning, over and over again, that I am not in control. I try to tell the Lord what I want, what I need. I take away His ability to give me what I really need. I ignore that He sees my true potential. He sees the lessons we need to learn from an experience. It doesn't take away all of our pain and trials, but it should help us feel less alone. We are never alone. If we could see the cheering section that surrounds us, we would never doubt ourselves ever again. I say this knowing that next week,I will still doubt myself. I say this knowing that tomorrow I may have a rough day with my kids or finances or some other trivial thing that will seem to take all of my energy and faith and everything that I am talking about now will go flying out the window. It is the way we are. It is far easier to talk about faith than to actually display it in our lives. So tonight, as I type this, I pray that I can teach them this lesson more than any other lesson. When we turn our lives over to the Lord, He will do far more with it than we ever thought possible.
