Our attempt at a new outlook!

It has been FAR too long since I last wrote. Not for a lack of desire, but more because I haven't the foggiest idea how to share all of the wonderful things that seem to be going through my mind. First and foremost, we have a new little addition to our family. In February, our third child entered the world. He is absolute perfection. He is the easiest baby out of the three. He makes me happy. So do my other two. I love being a mom. I love being with my kids. I am not great at so many things. I don't do near enough with things like preschool and learning activities. But I am great at loving my kids.

There is no higher calling than being a mother. I remember being a small little girl and knowing that I wanted that more than anything. There was a time in my life when I didn't think it would happen. I thought that this most choice blessing wouldn't be mine. I was single and in my late twenties and wasn't sure I would ever meet my own Mr. Right. I was devastated by that idea. But I was also devastated by the idea that it also meant that I wouldn't get to have all of the babies I wanted. Then, Heavenly Father led me to a wonderful man who became my eternal companion. Within short order, our oldest was born. Now, I look at my three kids and am amazed at the blessings that call me Mommy. We don't have an extraordinary life. We are rather boring, in fact. We hang out at home most of the time. We struggle financially. We pray for miracles in our lives. We pray for our marriage and our children and all those that we hold dear. I never understood what being a mother really entailed. When my Mom would tell me that she prayed for me, I would laugh it off. I was a good kid, making good choices. Why would she need to pray for me? Yet, now I find my prayers laced with plea's for my kids. A prayer that one will figure out potty training. A prayer that another will be able to sleep in her big girl bed. A prayer that we can be better parents to the sweet little ones who sneak into our room in the middle of the night.

As a parent, what wouldn't we do for our children? I would lay down my life for my kids. I would take away all of their pain and all of their sorrow if I could. I would do anything to help them be the best person they can be. What a great testimony this is to me of the love of our Heavenly Father for us. My Heavenly Father loves His children far better than I could love my children. He wants nothing more for us than success. He wants to see us happy. He wants to hold us and wipe away our tears. He provided a way for us, to erase all of those tears and fears. To take away everything bad in our life. If we let him.

Too many times in our lives, we refuse to let the Lord take the reigns. I speak of this with more experience than I should have. I keep learning, over and over again, that I am not in control. I try to tell the Lord what I want, what I need. I take away His ability to give me what I really need. I ignore that He sees my true potential. He sees the lessons we need to learn from an experience. It doesn't take away all of our pain and trials, but it should help us feel less alone. We are never alone. If we could see the cheering section that surrounds us, we would never doubt ourselves ever again. I say this knowing that next week,I will still doubt myself. I say this knowing that tomorrow I may have a rough day with my kids or finances or some other trivial thing that will seem to take all of my energy and faith and everything that I am talking about now will go flying out the window. It is the way we are. It is far easier to talk about faith than to actually display it in our lives. So tonight, as I type this, I pray that I can teach them this lesson more than any other lesson. When we turn our lives over to the Lord, He will do far more with it than we ever thought possible.

The Mom Dilemma

I've read two articles recently about motherhood. One talked about the working mom and one talked about the stay-at-home mom. It was a very eye opening read. It made me realize that there is a lot of anger from both parties. Each feels like it is being criticized from the other. As someone who is currently a stay-at-home mom, but who worked for a while with my first baby, I have been thinking a lot about it. Why does this have to be a wrong or right issue? Can't both parties be right? Can't both parties be validated?

I will admit it. When I was working, I cried on my way to work most days. Leaving my baby in the care of someone else was horrible. Most of the time, I made my husband drop him off because I couldn't stand listening to my sweet boy cry. I wanted to hold him and get him to stop crying and make sure that he was always happy. But as those who work know, they cry when you drop them off, even in the loving arms of Grandma or Aunts or the best babysitter in the world. You feel guilty for putting work ahead of them (even if it is only in your mind). you feel guilty for only getting to be with them for the few hours at night that you get to see them. You feel guilty if you can't do everything at work. You feel guilty if you can't give your spouse as much attention as you used to. The life of a working mom is all about guilt. You learn to balance it. Or ignore it. You learn to ignore the petty or judgmental comments that people make. They aren't you. They aren't in your shoes and they don't know why you are working. They are judging you based on their own beliefs and values. It still sucks.

However, there are hard days as a stay-at-home Mom. You feel like all you are is a slave. All I do all day long is watch children. I do three loads of laundry. I make breakfast. I feel guilty if I take the lazy way out and give them cold cereal. I clean the kitchen. I pick up toys. I think about how awesome the octopod would be to live in and want to smack the crap out of Dora. I read books. I pick up more toys. I clean crayon off of the front room wall while wondering how in the world they got a hold of the crayons that I had tried so hard to hide. I pick up toys again. I make lunch and try to bribe my son into eating carrots with his sandwich. I pick up more toys. I finally get to take a shower when I can get one of the kids to take a nap and then leave the other in front of cartoons. Which I feel guilty about. Then somewhere in there, you have to figure out dinner and pick up more toys sometime before Daddy gets home. By the time he finally gets home, I want to cry. I want to go curl in my bed and go to sleep. I feel guilty for not giving my kids the kind of life they deserve. I feel guilty for not being super mom. I always feel guilty.

The point I'm trying to make is that no matter what you choose to do, there is always guilt. You will either feel guilty for working or you will feel guilty for a million other little things that you are failing at all day long. I feel guilty for struggling so much financially and for not working. There are days when I wake up and wish more than anything that I could go to work. I miss talking to adults. I miss seeing somebody besides my husband who talks in full sentences. I miss feeling confident and capable. I miss the working me. But then I have my sweet boy come up and ask if it is time to cuddle yet. I would miss those fabulous moments when my sweet girl holds her arms out to be held. I would miss the fun games we get to play. I love so much about being a stay-at-home mom. I loved a lot about being a working Mom. No matter what you choose to do, there will be moments of doubt, when you wonder if you are totally screwing up your kids by working/staying home. No matter the choice you make, you will feel guilty at times. And that is okay. It means you care. It means you want to be the best mom possible. Don't let others ever dictate to you what your life should be. We have all been dealt circumstances that are uniquely ours. There are blessings no matter what choice you make. There are struggles no matter what choice you make. Decide what you want to do. Make the decision prayerfully, with input from your spouse and the Lord. At the end of the day, they are the influences that matter most.

I am so grateful to have so many friends and family who are such amazing moms. I have so many women to look at to try to emulate. Some of them work. Some of them stay at home. Some do a mixture of both. Yet, when I look at them, I don't see a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. I just see a great mom who loves her kids a lot and wants the very best for them. At the end of the day, happy and healthy kids are all that really matters.

Self-Reliance

I have been at a loss for words lately. I have been trying very hard to stay upbeat as we have watched not just ourselves, but quite a few people we love and care about struggle financially. It is such a hard thing to watch. In my own life, as hard as it is, it is manageable. But it is harder when it is people who seem to have struggled so much through the past several years, both with finances and medical conditions that seem to come one right after the other. I have questioned why, when they have sacrificed so much to try and live the way they believe the Lord would have them live. Yet I know, deep down, that we are all being blessed. Maybe not the way we would choose, but the way that the Lord sees fit.

Every six months, our church has a general conference that is broadcast world wide. It is an awesome experience to get to hear from prophets and apostles of the Lord. They provide encouragement. They provide useful advice. Occasionally, they chastise and remind us of the things we should be doing. As this fall's conference is approaching, I can't help think of what they would tell us to fix our financial problems.

I believe they would remind us, once again, of the need to be self reliant. I understand that the world we live in is very dependent upon lots of people. This isn't like pioneer times when each family had farms where they raised their own meats and crops, made their own soaps, butters, and any other goods that might be needed. We live in a time where most people live places that make anything more than a minimal garden very difficult. But that doesn't mean we can't be self reliant. If we aren't there now, it is time to prepare ourselves for that. It is truthfully about living on less. One of my favorite questions is "Is it a want or a need?" So many times in my life, I work and work and work for something that turns out to be a want, not a need. I don't need an ATV or a trailer or a really cool SUV. My seven year old mini-van will suffice. It doesn't hurt my husband to drive a 12 year old sedan. It isn't what we would love to have, but our needs are being met. Someday, when we have more expendable income, we will get that nice SUV. For now, we will survive and take care of the things we have.

One of the things we have had to cut out in our efforts to become self reliant is fast food. It has been hard. My kids love the occasional Happy Meal. But we don't eat out anymore. To eat out once takes about 10% of my monthly grocery budget. Sometimes a lot more, depending on where we go. Now it is a treat. We went to McDonald's for my three year old's birthday. He got to choose where we went. Not Mom's idea of a great birthday celebration, but a play land beats a nice sit down place in his eyes any day. We eat out less than once a month now. It is hard, especially when we have driven in to town to run our errands and find that the time has now come for dinner. Instead, I pack sandwiches in our little cooler and we find a park and sit down to eat on the grass. Not as exciting as fries and a free toy, but much better on our wallets. Last week, I didn't follow my own rule. We went out to eat one night. Then, the whole way home, I wanted to kick myself for wasting so much money. Especially knowing that I could have gotten three or four nice meals for that same amount of money if I made them at home.

There are so many other things that we can do to become self reliant. I am so grateful for our financial challenges. They have brought us closer together as a couple. As we prioritize what we really want out of life, it becomes easier to stay strong together. We sit down monthly and review our game plan. We have a budget that we stick to like glue. As extra money comes in, we decide what we want to put it towards and how it will help our long term goal of becoming debt free. It makes it easier to not spend it on something that we don't really need. But we also make it a matter of prayer. When we hit our knees and tell the Lord what we need, we find that we usually happen to have it happen. Last month we were short what we needed for our budget. We were debating what to do. I decided to clean out our freezer and found some freezer wrapped hamburger and chicken in the very back. Enough for a whole months groceries. It may seem small, but not having to buy meat for the month made up the money we were short. I believe that as we prayerfully work our hardest and tell the Lord what we need, the windows of Heaven will open and we will be taken care of. That doesn't mean that it is always the way we would desire. It means it is the way that will take care of our immediate needs.

Self reliance is such a broad topic and one I could talk about for hours. I am trying to focus on the little things in my own life that I have control over. So next time, I will focus on something else. But I do have to do a plug for meal planning, once again. If there has been anything that has had a bigger impact on our budget and sticking to it, it is meal planning. It makes it possible to avoid going to the grocery store for last minute purchases. It is so much easier to talk myself out of going out to eat when I know what I am making. I take the meat out the night before and stick it in the fridge. Then the excuse is totally gone when it gets close to dinner time. I love meal planning. It has literally changed my life. Plus, since I started meal planning when we first got married, my husband has lost ten pounds (I know, not much over a five year period) and I have lost over fifteen (If you take out all of those times when I am pregnant. That kind of kills my average!) without either of us doing any fad dieting. So, consider starting it, even if it is only one week at a time. I promise, you will see a difference!

Zucchini Overload

Usually at our house, we have a zucchini overload this time of year. Not as much this year, but in normal years, I have more than I think I can ever use. I love it! I love zucchini. I love all of the things you can make with it. So today I thought I would share a couple of my favorite zucchini recipes. Then, the next time you have more zucchini than you know what to do with, you can try one of these!

As a kid, my favorite part of zucchini season was zucchini pancakes. I have to warn you, these are not your standard pancakes. In fact, these are savory, cheesy, wonderful goodies that will leave your mouth watering. The recipe isn't exact. You will find that you have to vary it in order to get it work. A lot depends on how wet your zucchini ends up being. But here are the basic ingredients:

Shredded zucchini
finely diced onion
egg
bread crumb
cheese
salt and pepper
shredded cheese

For my little family, I usually need at least two zucchini's to make this as a meal. You mix everything together. You want the consistency to be thick enough to hold together in a frying pan, but not quite as thick as you would see a meatloaf. Then, place in a buttered frying pan (butter is best here)and form into a pancake shape. Let it fry away beautifully. Cook on each side until it is a dark brown. Golden brown looks good, but it won't hold together to flip it unless you go a little longer. Then, flip and cook through on the other side. These are so tasty. When I was in college, I made these all the time in the fall. My roommates even liked them! My husband likes to put salsa on his. Growing up, on put ketchup. As an adult, I love them just plain. Either way, they are AWESOME!! In fact, these might be dinner tonight.

One of my other favorites is a recipe I recently rediscovered. My Mom tells me she used to make it all of the time. I don't remember this. But a couple of years ago, I pulled it out of the family cookbook and made it. I loved it! Now we make it several times during the late summer/early fall. The best part about this recipe is that it freezes great. So make an extra pan of it and in the middle of winter, you can taste those fresh summer flavors.

Zucchini Casserole

1 lb. ground beef
1/4 c. sliced green onions
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. Chili powder
1 c. sour cream
1 large tomato, sliced
3 zucchini, diced
1 small can green chilies
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
3 c. cooked rice
2 c. grated monterey jack (can use cheddar, too)
salt and pepper to taste

Saute beef, zucchini, onions, and seasonings in a lightly greased skillet until meat is browned through and vegetables are tender. Add green chilies, rice, sour cream, and one cup of cheese. Turn into a buttered, shallow 2 quart casserole dish. Arrange tomato slices on top. Top with remaining cheese and bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

Now, I have to be honest here. I'm not a big fan of the cooked tomatoes on top. Most of the time, I just skip that step. Especially if I'm going to freeze it. But I still love the recipe!! But dessert may be more your thing. Everyone knows about zucchini bread and zucchini cake and all of those lovely treats. But in my family, the only way to eat it was as Chocolate Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread. Now you can see why we loved it, right? Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. So, when you need a chocolate fix, but still want it to be a little healthy, look no further.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread

3 eggs
1 c. vegetable oil
2 tsp. vanilla
3 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
2 c. sugar
2 1/2 c. grated zucchini
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 c. cocoa
6 oz. chocolate chips
1 c. chopped nuts (opt)

Beat eggs until fluffy. Add sugar, oil, and remaining ingredients. Beat two minutes. Place in two greased and floured bread pans or one bundt pan and bake at 350 for about one hour.

Enjoy those zucchini. Now to decide which one to make first!

Our Unexpected News

So, I've mentioned before that our little family experienced a miscarriage at the end of April, beginning of May. It was a really hard experience for me, as a mom. Especially as I'm nearing my mid thirties and I realize that the time is slowly slipping away. But about a month ago, we received some unexpected, but very happy news. We are expecting again! I'm happy to say that I have passed that lucky 12 week mark, so what better time to share it. Now that most of our immediate family knows, it is time to share it with all the rest of you!

This obviously isn't going to be a long blog post, but hopefully worth the read as you share in our wonderful joy!

Fun Weekend with Grandma and Grandpa

So, this weekend, my parents drove out to stay with us for a couple of nights. The kiddos were so excited! It is always so much fun when they come out to our house. We had a friend and neighbor tell us recently that we would discover that the road coming out to our house only goes one way. People generally expect us to drive to Salt Lake to visit them, not the other way around. So, whenever someone can come, it is always such a treat. Our house is very small, but we always make room for visitors. Anyway, Saturday ended up being one of those nearly perfect days.

It was UBIC weekend where we live. This is like our town days. It was even bigger because this year, our town is turning 100 years old. They had a free concert at the park followed by fireworks. It was so much fun to watch our Rally girl as she danced along to all of the singers and to watch Grandpa and G man play in between. What a relaxing evening! We got to listen to David Osmond and the Spin Doctors. There is something about sitting on a grassy hill, listening to a band, that is so relaxing. My Dad pointed out something to me that I haven't thought of before. "Only in a little town could they have this. In a big town, people wouldn't come or the city wouldn't pay for this kind of event so that everyone could participate." There are some great blessings to living out here! But more important than the concert was the great time we got to spend as a family. Both kids were so well behaved! It never happens that way. So, I thought I would share some of our fun pictures

My Husband, the Teacher

So, it is coming back to that time of year. We have enjoyed the summer, but it is slowly coming to an end. In 21 days, school starts again for my husband. We love having him be a teacher, but with it come some serious budgeting issues for our little family. Like on how to stick to one. The Handsome Hubby gets paid once a month. I thought I was the master budgeter (is that a word?), but I am finding that with only getting paid once a month, I am faltering. My basic plan has always been paying all of the bills first. That pretty much means most of the money. Then, after all of the necessary bills are paid, pulling out the expenses that aren't necessarily bills. But somehow, throughout the month, things come up. I do a monthly grocery menu and budget. I plan down to the dime what it will cost. I think I have everything needed for the month. Then this Mama remembers something she needs. Or more importantly, something she really wants. Like that bag of candy that seems to call my name. Or stuff to make guacamole because that sounds fabulous, too! Before I know it, my small amount of liquid cash is gone. Then we are using the money budgeted for other things to pay for those expenses.

Starting next pay period, I am switching to the envelope method for any monthly expenses that may need to be watched more carefully. Before I was married and working in the banking industry, I recommended this for any clients that were having a hard time keeping the little bills in check. So, next month we are creating three envelopes: Groceries, Gas, and Diapers. Yep, those are the only three monthly expenses that I don't have control over with a tight fist. So, after I pay for everything, if there is any cash left in those little envelopes, it can be applied to a bill or be used for that lovely treat that we have been wanting. The only rule for the envelopes is this: when the money is gone, you are done. This is hard for a lot of people, but I keep reminding myself that it is either that or be stuck doing the juggling act. I am a clutz and really can't juggle, so any way to avoid it would be helpful to me and to my poor husband who would have to handle the panic if we go over!

Why do I talk about this? Why would I share my budgeting woes? Because I can't be the only one living this tight. I can't be the only one who fumbles in a budget. But never fear. Next month is here. The great thing about budgets is that every month you get to start over. Work on the small things that will yield the quickest results, and start again. I find that this advice is something that we should all be using for most aspects in our life. Take a deep breath. Start over, and focus on the things that you can change. The things that we can't change just get in the way. So many things in our life are out of our control. Yet we worry about them constantly. I am probably the worst person with this. I can't control that my son isn't doing well with potty training. Much to this mother's chagrin, that is something that I can't make him master. I can't make the stresses of life go away. I can only change what is in my realm of influence. This a great lesson that my husband, The Teacher, has given me. He has taught me that I need to realize I can't be in control of everything. Sometimes, you need to share the burden. Sometimes you need to let the burden go all together. He is constantly reminding me of this. I swear, there are days that he wanders around our house, mumbling under his breath "Let it go." Not in the mean way that it might sound like, but in the gentle reminder way.

Let it go. Do the very best you can in life, change the things that you have control over, and let the rest go. Thank you, honey, for teaching me this. For teaching me that next month is a new month. Tomorrow is a new day. We will figure it out. All of us.