The Mom Dilemma

I've read two articles recently about motherhood. One talked about the working mom and one talked about the stay-at-home mom. It was a very eye opening read. It made me realize that there is a lot of anger from both parties. Each feels like it is being criticized from the other. As someone who is currently a stay-at-home mom, but who worked for a while with my first baby, I have been thinking a lot about it. Why does this have to be a wrong or right issue? Can't both parties be right? Can't both parties be validated?

I will admit it. When I was working, I cried on my way to work most days. Leaving my baby in the care of someone else was horrible. Most of the time, I made my husband drop him off because I couldn't stand listening to my sweet boy cry. I wanted to hold him and get him to stop crying and make sure that he was always happy. But as those who work know, they cry when you drop them off, even in the loving arms of Grandma or Aunts or the best babysitter in the world. You feel guilty for putting work ahead of them (even if it is only in your mind). you feel guilty for only getting to be with them for the few hours at night that you get to see them. You feel guilty if you can't do everything at work. You feel guilty if you can't give your spouse as much attention as you used to. The life of a working mom is all about guilt. You learn to balance it. Or ignore it. You learn to ignore the petty or judgmental comments that people make. They aren't you. They aren't in your shoes and they don't know why you are working. They are judging you based on their own beliefs and values. It still sucks.

However, there are hard days as a stay-at-home Mom. You feel like all you are is a slave. All I do all day long is watch children. I do three loads of laundry. I make breakfast. I feel guilty if I take the lazy way out and give them cold cereal. I clean the kitchen. I pick up toys. I think about how awesome the octopod would be to live in and want to smack the crap out of Dora. I read books. I pick up more toys. I clean crayon off of the front room wall while wondering how in the world they got a hold of the crayons that I had tried so hard to hide. I pick up toys again. I make lunch and try to bribe my son into eating carrots with his sandwich. I pick up more toys. I finally get to take a shower when I can get one of the kids to take a nap and then leave the other in front of cartoons. Which I feel guilty about. Then somewhere in there, you have to figure out dinner and pick up more toys sometime before Daddy gets home. By the time he finally gets home, I want to cry. I want to go curl in my bed and go to sleep. I feel guilty for not giving my kids the kind of life they deserve. I feel guilty for not being super mom. I always feel guilty.

The point I'm trying to make is that no matter what you choose to do, there is always guilt. You will either feel guilty for working or you will feel guilty for a million other little things that you are failing at all day long. I feel guilty for struggling so much financially and for not working. There are days when I wake up and wish more than anything that I could go to work. I miss talking to adults. I miss seeing somebody besides my husband who talks in full sentences. I miss feeling confident and capable. I miss the working me. But then I have my sweet boy come up and ask if it is time to cuddle yet. I would miss those fabulous moments when my sweet girl holds her arms out to be held. I would miss the fun games we get to play. I love so much about being a stay-at-home mom. I loved a lot about being a working Mom. No matter what you choose to do, there will be moments of doubt, when you wonder if you are totally screwing up your kids by working/staying home. No matter the choice you make, you will feel guilty at times. And that is okay. It means you care. It means you want to be the best mom possible. Don't let others ever dictate to you what your life should be. We have all been dealt circumstances that are uniquely ours. There are blessings no matter what choice you make. There are struggles no matter what choice you make. Decide what you want to do. Make the decision prayerfully, with input from your spouse and the Lord. At the end of the day, they are the influences that matter most.

I am so grateful to have so many friends and family who are such amazing moms. I have so many women to look at to try to emulate. Some of them work. Some of them stay at home. Some do a mixture of both. Yet, when I look at them, I don't see a stay-at-home mom or a working mom. I just see a great mom who loves her kids a lot and wants the very best for them. At the end of the day, happy and healthy kids are all that really matters.