Today is the Handsome Hubby's 30th birthday. it's official. We are now in the same decade! That's what I get for being several years older than him. But he is worth it. I had a huge reminder of that today when I discovered that someone I used to be close to is going through a hard time in her life due to her marriage. It reminded me that I am blessed beyond all reason. So I am going to talk a little about that.
I didn't get married until I was 29. It wasn't that I was trying to be single. It wasn't that I had no desire to marry. It was simply that I knew what I wanted. I knew what I deserved. I wasn't going to settle for anything less. I complained a lot to my parents that I was worried that I would never get married. In fact, I think they probably felt like we were on a carousel. It was the same sob fest every time. But in my religion, most girls marry fairly young. Being single in your late twenties was not only weird, but considered rather pathetic. An example of this goes back to my senior year at Brigham Young University. I was graduating, packing up my room to leave my life in Provo, Utah (Hallelujah!) when one of my roommates came in. She was 19 years old. She looked at me and shook her head. "If I was 22 and not married, I think I would kill myself." Huh? Seriously? I was 22 years old. But I just shook my head and smiled. Wouldn't it be hard to have that mentality? As I got older, more and more people would comment on my marital state. I was told that I couldn't sit at the adult table at a family function until I could find myself a husband. I was told by a bishop that he didn't think I would ever get married because most guys don't want to marry a fat girl. I wasn't that overweight, by the way. Just a man who had an unrealistic view of how women should be. The biggest one that I heard often was that I shouldn't be so picky. Someone actually told me that "at your age, you don't have a lot of options." But they didn't know me. And they didn't know what I wanted.
If I could give any advice to my daughter, it would be this: Don't settle. Don't you dare devalue yourself like that. Don't give up on what you want just because the world would tell you that you are unrealistic. I knew what I wanted and I wanted the whole picture. I wanted a man who was was strong in the gospel. I wanted a man who was a worthy priesthood holder. I wanted a man who honored womanhood and honored me. I wanted a man who could be a provider. I wanted a man who shared my desire on having children and raising a family. I wanted a man who would lead our home in love and righteousness. I could have settled. But I would have missed out on Bruce.
Bruce and I met in a singles ward. For those of you unfamiliar with that, it is a church congregation of young single adults. It is notorious for being the meeting ground for many marriages. We fall in this category. We had known each other for two and a half years before we started dating. I will admit it: he was a nerd. But as my Mom repeatedly told me, "nerds make the best husbands." She was right, by the way. He is the first person that I could completely be myself around. He is the first person I didn't break up with at the mention of marriage. Ask my parents. That was the first sign they had that I really loved this guy. He made me happy. He made me giddy. He still does.
I know the time of day when he gets home. I would know it even without a clock. Because I still can't wait to see him. I meet him at the door with a kiss. He calls me on his lunch break. Because he misses me. I laugh at his jokes that I used to think were odd. Because I get them now. He is the person I can't imagine my life without. We have had our ups and downs. We have had times when I wanted to beat him senseless. But even with wanting to beat him, I still wanted him. He is my match. I won't say perfect, because nobody is perfect. Every single person has quirks that annoy their spouse. I am positive that my worrying drives my husband crazy. Also my apologizing constantly (it's a family thing). When I put myself down, I can sometimes see the veins popping out on the side of his neck. But he still chooses me. Every day, we wake up and choose each other. Every day we wake up excited for our lives together. Every day we choose to put our marriage first. We choose to forgive. We choose to ask for forgiveness. It is a conscious decision. We choose to ask our Heavenly Father to bless our home and our marriage. I am so grateful for that.
So, to the man who holds my heart, I say thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for being my eternal companion. I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for the kind of man you are. I am so grateful that I didn't settle. Because the man that I got is so much better than I could have asked for. Even with his video games.
I love you, Bruce!
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