Too Little Sleep

I love my children. I really do. I'm sure that all moms have used this as a mantra before. Today is one of those mornings for me. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get to sleep until 8 again. Or if I will ever get a whole nights sleep. But I know that someday, when my kids are all out on their own, that I will look back on this with fondness. Just not today. Today, I am exhausted and it is not even eight o'clock. We've already had breakfast and diaper changes and potty runs. G man has already built a fort in the front room. I would have thought he would have slept later since he didn't fall to sleep last night until after midnight. But no, apparently he has decided to be an early riser today.

Sometimes, as a mom, we do things out of habit. It's how we survive. We run our errands in an exhausted haze, with the hope for nap time being the only thing holding us together. We decide that it's too much energy to make our own lunch. We'll just eat whatever they don't. We throw on those yoga pants, yank our hair into a pony tail, and try to conquer our own little corner of the universe. Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not. But we keep trying. That is how my day was yesterday. When the Handsome Hubby got home from work, most of the house was clean. The kids were fed and changed. I'd done a load of laundry. I'd even taken a shower. I was feeling mighty successful. Until the subject of dinner came up. There were leftovers, but they didn't sound very good. Neither did making dinner, so the leftovers won.

It must be ingrained in mothers to feel guilt. Once that child is in your arms, you feel guilty for everything. For not reading enough stories. For not making gourmet meals or even meals that they will try. For bribing our kids at the grocery store. For not reading enough books and watching too much television. For yelling at them when it is probably a teaching moment. For crying for no apparent reason. We live in a world of guilt. There is so much to do and only one of us. We have work or school or soccer games. We have more than it feels like we can carry on our shoulders. So we feel guilty. I would love to promise myself every day that the guilt won't come. It inevitably does. It's part of being a mom. I am learning to be grateful for the guilt. It means I'm striving to be better. I'm striving to be the mom my kids deserve. I'm striving to be the wife my husband deserves. At times, I'm still striving to be the daughter my parents deserve. But I'm still trying.

What a great opportunity we have every day. Every day starts fresh and clean. If today is starting off rough, tomorrow will be better. I have the chance to make it that way. I have the chance to change my life every day. I recently read another blog where they talked about being negative and the impact that it had on their life. It's true. The other truth is that we get to choose. We get to choose to look at the glass half full or half empty. We will slip up. We will fail. Trials will come and the world will not seem full of sunshine. It is up to us, however, to decide how to handle it. We can wallow in it permanently or we can take our five minutes of crying, straighten our shoulders, and try again.

So when you are having one of those, know you are not alone. When you hit your knees in prayer, feeling like there is nothing else you can do, you are not alone. There is an army of moms out there. They have t-shirts with stains on them. They have tired hair. They haven't worn makeup in a week. They pray for nap time and bedtime. But they have your back. They smile at the grocery store when your three year old throws a temper tantrum. Been there yesterday, have the trophy. Remember, you are part of a great and glorious tradition. A tradition of imperfection. None of them could do it all. You can't do it all. I most definitely can't do it all. So I'm giving myself a break today. I'm realizing that it's going to be a deep breath, counting the hours sort of day. It might be for all of us. We are not alone and if you feel like it, look around. We exhausted mothers are everywhere. If we could, we would give each other a high five, or a big hug and say "You can do it." And you can. Because you are a Mom.